Bedroom Closet

(writ­ten but not sent, thought but not shared, a draft I will always have, just in case)

M___,

As I write this I am won­der­ing why. There is noth­ing about our friend­ship that I would change, well noth­ing now, noth­ing that could change and have the cur­rent be the same. I love you dearly, as one of my great­est friends, one that I could never let go of, I feel that I should be hon­est with you.

I think of you. I think of you in ways that “friends” don’t always think of each other on occa­sion. A dream I had the other night brought it to the front of my mind.

We were at our house, host­ing some­thing, peo­ple were down­stairs and we remained in the kitchen. Every time we turned we were fac­ing, closer and closer, laugh­ing each time it hap­pened. I would look up at you and smile, and more than any­thing want to kiss you. The dream went on with us in this state, this con­stant close­ness, brush­ing up against one another, look­ing at each other in the same long­ing way. The last part I remem­ber is not being able to hold any­more, reach­ing up and kiss­ing you gen­tly, and you return­ing it with relief almost, until we were in such a pas­sion­ate, deep kiss that I felt it when I awoke.

I remem­ber the few times kiss­ing you, hav­ing my arms around you, feel­ing you enve­lope me. When we are close I still feel it. When we are the most unin­hib­ited, that tin­gle, that long­ing returns.

The times where we laughed off our desire, or maybe that was just me, not sure of what to do with my feel­ings toward you. I always saw you as amaz­ing, in every way, I still do. To think of us as lovers…I wouldn’t know where to begin. The kisses alone had so much. Touch­ing you, trac­ing your body with my fin­ger­tips, cov­er­ing it with kisses, feel­ing its warmth. I can feel your lips on my body as well, explor­ing, your hands touch­ing every curve. Our bod­ies so dif­fer­ent, yet famil­iar, fit­ting together as if they had always been.

Imag­in­ing what could have hap­pened, think­ing of how we could have shared each other, and any one else we had wanted. It gives me shiv­ers and sends famil­iar warmth all over my body. With­out the men we love, I can imag­ine we would have loved each other equally.

I wouldn’t change our friend­ship, such a valu­able, beau­ti­ful thing. For some rea­son I wanted you to know that I always want your friend­ship, but the thought has been there to want some­thing more as well.

Love always,

A___

This entry was posted on Monday, December 31st, 2007 at 3:40 am and is filed under sex. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.