Every night when we put our son to bed Ava does the tuck­ing in (after I say good­night) and I wait out in the hall­way by the door.  She comes out and shuts the door and thus begins our tran­si­tion from adults-with-kid to adults.

Some­times I’m naked.  I’m naked a lot around the house but some­times I’m naked when Ava emerges from the bed­room.  Once a while ago I sug­gested that a good way for me to let Ava know that I was feel­ing par­tic­u­larly sub­mis­sive would be for me to face the wall, naked as I was, and wait for her to emerge and do as she will.  As our house is laid out I would have to wait not as she came up directly behind me…

I’ve never done it.

I’ve cer­tainly felt “that” sub­mis­sive since I men­tioned it; but even on nights when I know I’m feel­ing that way and I stand naked in the hall some­thing keeps me from turn­ing and fac­ing the wall and accept­ing her judgement.

Maybe I can’t really let go…

It seems so con­trary right now; in I’m my col­lar and leash and you just used my mouth to get off. But I can imag­ine a night with you blind­folded from six pm until you wake the next day.

No sight.

He is over and we are hav­ing an evening. You are the prop; the toy

And you can never be sure who is what.

We would tease you all evening. Make you pro­vide ser­vices. You’d know who was who sone­times. Other times though … Ulti­mately you’d do what you are told. And you’d like it.

When it was time to sleep you’d be sur­rounded by two men, two sets of arms, and totally com­fort­able with two cocks.

The last time Ava had me tied to the bed (before the past one) she did some­thing I’ve never done before; after we were done she posi­tioned her­self over my face in a way that silently forced me to lick her pussy clean of my cum and her juices. As I drank from her she began to use my face and tongue caus­ing more and more work for me until I was full and bathed in our salty sweet mix­ture. Of all that hap­pened that evening — being tied, spanked, blind­folded, teased and used; Ava forc­ing me to drink my cum from her made me feel com­pletely at her mercy and service.

Talk­ing yes­ter­day evening as Ava rode me (unbound) she let me know that start­ing today Iwould be clean­ing my cum from her when­ever and wher­ever it was left; pussy, mouth, body, ass. This morn­ing after I had cho­sen a blowjob over mas­tur­ba­tion she reminded me again.

Whether I cum vol­un­tar­ily — Ava gives me a choice; or oth­er­wise — I am used; I know that I will be respon­si­ble for clean­ing Ava’s body after. Think­ing about that now makes me unbe­liev­ably hard.

Look­ing back over the past sev­eral months I real­ize that i’d spent a lot of time think­ing about my sex­u­al­ity from a sub­mis­sive per­spec­tive.  Ava and I both enjoy play­ing the roles on both ends of the dom­i­nant / sub­mis­sive spec­trum, but left free to wan­der, my thoughts more often float towards the lat­ter.  This feel­ing was enhanced a while back when Ava decided (with­out warn­ing or request) that she would like to take charge.  It was an incred­i­ble expe­ri­ence that’s per­me­ated my fan­tasies and stoked my sub­mis­sive flame quite fre­quently since.  Ava has agreed to explore it fur­ther with me.

Com­pli­ca­tions in our lives have kept this dynamic on the back burner.

This past Fri­day around 4:30 Ava man­aged to get a nap in while I was tak­ing a shower.  When I was done I went into the bed­room to find her sleep­ing.  I laid down naked beside her and dozed off think­ing only of sleep (we’ve been busy).  When we both awoke Miss Ava told me I wasn’t allowed clothes for the rest of the evening.  I went instantly hard; which prompted a few more instructions:

I was allowed to go about my evening’s busi­ness (I had a lot of work to do) but I was to work to keep my cock hard at all times.  When I got up to do any­thing I was to stroke my cock and present it to Miss Ava.  An hour or so of this and I was near orgasm with every touch of my hand or her lips — she liked the teas­ing.  Occa­sion­ally I was made to kiss Ava’s breasts through her shirt (she enjoys being touched through cloth).  Dur­ing the whole evening we were talk­ing over instant mes­sen­ger about my sub­mis­sion (our “ver­bal” con­ver­sa­tion was “nor­mal” evening stuff).  We were also shop­ping for cock rings and gags and dil­dos, which only added to the pressure.

We had din­ner and set­tled down to watch TV.  For the next sev­eral hours I was fon­dled and pushed to the edge again and again until Ava declared that she would like to use me.  In the bed­room I was tied to the bed and after Ava pleased her­self by rid­ing my face, she set­tled onto my cock giv­ing me spe­cific instruc­tions not to cum.

In this I failed.

As Miss Ava wrapped her pussy around me I could feel the orgasm approach­ing way too quickly to stop.  My beg­ging Miss Ava to let me regain con­trol was met with harder thrusts until we came together.  Then I was left tied and alone for a while.

I was used again but able to keep myself from cum­ing this time.  Miss Ava wasn’t happy about my fail­ure to fol­low instruc­tions though and I was flipped over, hands retied, and spanked soundly.  Ava has spanked me this hard before but stopped when she thought I had asked her to stop.  Part of our new agree­ment is that when she is in con­trol she doesn’t have to “check in’ with me any­more.  She thought I needed a harder beat­ing; I got one.  The result was a red, sore, hot ass.

We stayed up a bit longer and I was allowed to put on pajama pants.  I went to sleep that evening hope­ful that Miss Ava got what she wanted / know­ing that I did.

Today it was brought to my atten­tion that I failed in another thing last Fri­day; I didn’t write here as I was told to.  While we were shop­ping online Miss Ava told me to post images of the toys I liked and why I liked them.  I’ve been told that I needed another naked evening as a result.

Once again I am rock hard.

So as it turns out we didn’t need to be as quiet or slow as I’d thought and Ava han­dled stealth like a pro.  We came home late from our date but as we approached our apart­ment build­ing we made a detour to a base­ment level entrance that is never used this late.  I don’t remem­ber why we decided to head that way.

As soon as the door shut I was spun around and slammed hard against the wall.  I’m stronger than Ava but nine months of tot­ing our baby around com­bined with booze and sur­prise ren­dered me unable to react.  By the time I even reg­is­tered any­thing Ava was forcibly remov­ing my belt and bit­ing my neck; telling me what was going to hap­pen while squeez­ing my cock through my unzipped jeans.  My resis­tance melted as her grip tightened.

Whis­pered con­ver­sa­tion about need­ing just a lit­tle more pri­vacy led us to a stor­age locker hall­way around the cor­ner from where we were stand­ing; it’s secluded and locked and dark.  With my pants undone and falling down and my belt wrapped around Ava’s hand, I was pushed to unlock the door and get inside with a sharp com­mand and nip from the belt.  As I turned to lock the door behind us Ava pulled my pants and briefs all the way down; leav­ing me exposed and breath­less in the dark.  Some harder slaps from the belt and I was on my knees with my face pressed to the dirty floor while Ava strad­dled my back.  From my posi­tion my hands were pinned under­neath me and I could see under the door out into the hall­way; from hers, Ava could do what­ever she wanted.

I was well and thor­oughly handled.

After the rapid sequence that brought me to the floor Ava seemed to take her time; lulling me to relax with gen­tle touches from her hands and tongue, suck­ing on my balls and teas­ing my ass.  As I relaxed and began to moan I felt an amaz­ing sting from the belt I for­got she had; the slaps and her words brought me back to where I was.  The semi-public space forced me to keep silent as she con­tin­ued to work over my ass with her hands and my belt, pen­e­trat­ing me with her fin­gers and tongue, stroking my cock hard and fast, then back to the spanking…

I don’t remem­ber how long this went on but I was not allowed to cum.  Even­tu­ally I was brought up to stand­ing by my hair and told to dress.  I was given fur­ther instruc­tions about what would hap­pen once we were back in our apart­ment.  I would con­tinue to be her toy, only this time in silence.

As we walked upstairs Ava reminded me that I had just been beaten, sucked, slapped, spanked and pen­e­trated on the dirty floor of a stor­age locker hall­way.  She told me next time there would be pic­tures, she would take her time, and not worry about how I felt.  As we reen­tered “nor­mal“ life my head was swim­ming with anticipation.

It’s impor­tant to write down what’s in my head when it hap­pens; espe­cially after a marathon ses­sion like we had this past Fri­day night. I do remem­ber a few things. Here is the list in no par­tic­u­lar order and assume that these will be elab­o­rated on in future posts.

• Ava is more open; aggres­sive when she’s had some booze.  I’d hoped to encour­age her to be more of those things by mak­ing her drinks stronger.  It worked well.
• Ava enjoys spank­ing me — hard.  She con­fessed as we were almost com­plete that she would have loved to keep me tied down and beat me harder.
• The thought of that makes me weak.
• Kneel­ing in the bath­room next to the shower wait­ing for Ava to fin­ish, I noticed that she kept wip­ing the steam from the win­dows.  The bath­room lights were out but I felt like she was shar­ing her­self with the apart­ments across the way, me out of sight, on the floor, also watch­ing.  A secret part of her arousal.  Or acknowl­edg­ment of me “lik­ing to watch”.
• I learned that I have a shoe… inter­est.  I won’t go so far as to say “fetish” yet; we will need to explore this more.  But the idea of wor­ship­ing at Ava’s feet when she is in a sexy pair of heels or boots; on my hands and knees, naked, face near the floor as I lick her boots or heels, maybe observed by or also serv­ing Ava’s girl­friends shoes does shorten my breath.   I can pic­ture sev­eral sce­nar­ios in which Ava walks in from shop­ping (alone or with some­one) and says some­thing to the effect of “get me (us) a whiskey and don’t leave your clothes with the bot­tle.  Oh, and you may as well come back on your knees… “  I’ll have to pon­der this one fur­ther but I know that i love Ava in her boots and shoes, and what a nice way to start an evening of being dom­i­nated (or set aside to watch and serve).  I look for­ward to Ava’s writ­ing on this subject.
• I also have a foot “inter­est”.  Though that is more con­fined at the moment to Ava’s.  Though if I were ordered to ser­vice some­one else’s by Ava.…  I did look it up on YouPorn and was fas­ci­nated by a very few films I saw.
• Being denied but stim­u­lated all day was an incred­i­ble turn on.  By the time I got to my shower in advance of our evening it was all I could do to not cum with the slight­est touch. I’m not one to deny myself or want to be denied, but Ava’s meth­ods of get­ting me to the edge were amazing.

…  I’ll con­tinue this with another installment.

I’m not sure whether to talk about being bound, spanked or gagged first.  They are all inter­re­lated in some ways.  Ava has spanked me (yes­ter­day was the first seri­ous one) while I was unbound, but I think the spank­ing would be less inhib­ited if I were spread out and tied to the bed.  No mat­ter what she chose to do to me I would not be able to resist and she would be less inclined to worry about me fight­ing.  We’ve talked about bare handed, crop, hair­brush, belt… all deli­ciously appeal­ing and fright­en­ing.  Being tied takes away con­trol when I would be most tempted to try to take it back, leav­ing me help­less to be beaten and used.  Being gagged only adds to that because I can cry out; I can’t say no.

See more of Simon’s Sub­mis­sive Thoughts:

Back in my Place

With a Dildo Inside Me

Effec­tive Persuasion

Tran­si­tion

At Your Feet

I’ve never been a fan of feet and think that shoes are for look­ing at.  So for me “wor­ship­ing” at some­ones feet; shoes on or no, is par­tic­u­larly sub­mis­sive.  Last night I sucked on Ava’s toes while watch­ing her mas­tur­bate — an amaz­ing posi­tion.  In think­ing about it now I can see myself on my hands and knees with my face near to the floor kiss­ing Ava’s feet and suck­ing on her toes, or lick­ing the high heels of her shoes or boots to show what depths I will go for her.

See more of Simon’s Sub­mis­sive Thoughts:

Back in my Place

With a Dildo Inside Me

Effec­tive Persuasion

Tran­si­tion

No Way to Say No

The shower is a fan­tas­tic place for sub­mis­sive ser­vice in tran­si­tion from nor­mal life.  Becom­ing naked and clean and exposed.  From clean­ing myself and get­ting warm to clean­ing you.  Then using my tongue all over your body as a means to make sure my clean­ing was suf­fi­cient. The water is thin pro­tec­tion against lousy work.  I love being on my knees; in the shower while you rinse and relax and enjoy your­self, eyes closed against the water that comes off your body.  I love too kneel­ing beside the shower while you finish.

See more of Simon’s Sub­mis­sive Thoughts:

Back in my Place

With a Dildo Inside Me

Effec­tive Persuasion

At Your Feet

No Way to Say No